THE CONNECTION BETWEEN PERFECTIONISM AND ANXIETY AND HOW TO COPE

Perfectionists are often seen as successful, high-functioning, and admirable. While this is certainly true sometimes, we also know that perfectionism is often fueled by anxiety.

Perfectionists typically strive to be seen as flawless by the world. Think about the last time you made a mistake or did something “wrong.” What was your response in that moment? Did you acknowledge the mistake, recognize you’re only human, and shrug it off?

If you’re like many of my clients, it’s likely that you felt stressed, embarrassed, and self-critical. Maybe you started to sweat, and your heart began to race. And you might have even beat yourself up, starting an internal dialogue with yourself about how incompetent you are.

If you’re a perfectionist, you probably don’t respond with compassion to your own mistakes. Mistakes can open you up to criticism and uncomfortable emotions, which feels dangerous for perfectionists.

5 Signs You’re a Perfectionist

Here are 5 signs you might be a perfectionist.

  1. You engage in all or nothing thinking: Viewing situations in black-and-white terms, where anything less than perfect is seen as a failure.

  2. You put a lot of pressure on yourself : There’s very little room in your brain for mistakes. You have a lot of anxiety about potentially messing up.

  3. You’re self-critical. You’re very hard on yourself. If you do something embarrassing in public, make a mistake at work, or in a relationship, you punish yourself harshly. You talk to yourself in ways you would never talk to a friend, and you hold yourself to much higher standards than you hold others.

  4. You compare yourself to others. If someone else seems outwardly happier or more successful than you, you feel like you’re doing something wrong. You feel like you’re somehow falling behind. Comparing yourself to other people is a recipe for stress, anxiety, and feelings of low self-worth.

  5. Your self-worth changes based on your perception of success. It jumps when you feel you’ve succeeded, and plummets when you feel you’ve failed – or when you endure criticism from others. The truth is, your worth isn’t based on any outcome or a set of standards. You are always worthy, no matter what. But when you’re a perfectionist, everything you do (and everyone else’s opinions about what you do) has the power to pull your feelings of worth in one direction or another.


When you’re a perfectionist, your worth hinges on external circumstances – how well you perform at something, how successful your accomplishments are, how impressive you look. In general, you treat yourself with contempt more often than not. This can lead to anxiety, depression and burnout.

How to Stop the Cycle of Perfectionism and Anxiety

Perfectionism is fueled by anxiety, and one way to stop the cycle is to start managing the underlying anxiety, which requires a process of becoming aware of your behavioral patterns, practicing self-compassion, and developing healthy coping mechanisms to deal with your anxiety.

Breaking the Perfectionism-Anxiety Cycle

  1. Start to notice how and when anxiety comes up for you: Start to pay attention to your feelings, body sensations and anxious thoughts when they begin spiraling out of control because you might not even be aware of when you’re anxious. And in order to manage your anxiety, you have to know what it feels like.

  2. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend. Acknowledge your efforts and recognize that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and growing.

  3. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Identify and reframe perfectionistic thoughts. Instead of thinking, “I must not make any mistakes,” try, “It’s okay to make mistakes; they help me learn and improve.”

  4. Mindfulness and Relaxation: One way to become aware of your anxiety is to try a body scan. You can do this anytime, not just when you’re feeling anxious. Start by getting in a safe, comfortable position and closing your eyes. Then, begin “scanning” your body from head to toe. Take time to observe each part of your body and notice the sensations you’re having. Maybe your shoulders are tense or your jaw is clenched. These are physical signs of anxiety. You don’t have to “fix” anything about your experience. Just notice what’s going on in a non-judgmental way. With practice, this will get easier.

  5. Seek Professional Help: A therapist can provide valuable support in addressing perfectionism and anxiety. Many of my clients are high achieving professionals that struggle with constant self-critisicm, and anxiety. Together we'll explore how to quiet the incessant chatter of your inner critic and replace it with the gentle curiosity that fosters growth, resilience, and self-compassion.

BEGIN ANXIETY TREATMENT IN WESTCHESTER, NY

I would be honored to support you from my Westchester, county therapy practice where we can work together to support your goals in managing your anxiety and perfectionism.

  1. Schedule a free 10-20 minute consultation

  2. Learn more about me

  3. Start cultivating a more compassionate and less judgmental sense of self

OTHER SERVICES OFFERED BY JOANNA N. ROSENBLATT

Other services include anxiety treatment, therapy for women, EMDR therapy, trauma therapy, OCD treatment, and postpartum depression and anxiety treatment. Contact me today to learn more about online therapy in New York and support for sexuality and intimacy issues.

Joanna Rosenblatt